Local authorities in Pasco County, Florida, have apprehended Bartholomew “Barty” Gribbles, 47, following an incident at a regional supermarket involving a newly released food item, Smucker’s Crustables: Just The Crusts! Witnesses alerted store management after observing Mr. Gribbles engaged in what police described as “an act of profound public indecency” with a box of the aforementioned product.
According to the arrest report, deputies arrived to find Mr. Gribbles in Aisle 7, the frozen snacks section, with a partially opened box of Smucker’s Crustables. The product, marketed with the tagline “Chew & Chew & Chew!” and featuring “UNBEATABLY TOUGH CRUSTS,” was allegedly found compromised. Law enforcement officials stated that Mr. Gribbles had “inserted his male organ” into one of the circular, crimped crusts, revealing a strawberry-jelly-like residue.
When questioned, Mr. Gribbles reportedly claimed he was merely “testing the structural integrity” of the new offering, citing the product’s emphasis on its robust crusts. He further elaborated that the “unbeatably tough” designation suggested a need for rigorous, albeit unconventional, consumer testing. Smucker’s Uncrustables, the parent brand, typically removes crusts entirely, often repurposing them for animal feed.
A spokesperson for the Pasco County Sheriff’s Office confirmed the charges, which include indecent exposure and tampering with a consumer product. “While we recognize the potential for marketing claims to incite curiosity, they do not constitute a license for public lewdness or the defilement of frozen pastries,” stated Officer Brenda Flicks. Mr. Gribbles is currently being held on $1,500 bail, pending an initial court appearance.
Smucker’s, the manufacturer of the popular Uncrustables line, has not yet issued an official statement regarding the incident or the alleged “structural integrity testing” of their new crust-only product.